Can I keep him?
Can I keep him?
Last night at a friend’s house we were talking about exes and how we wondered what they thought of us now, and if they did at all.
So this morning, silly me, did a bit of a facebook stalk, and discovered my ex from last year has indeed moved on. I thought I would be upset, though strangely enough I didn’t really feel anything.
This was a guy I had known off and on for 8 years. Upon reconnecting last year he had in a way promised me everything, then decided at the last minute it was all too much, and he was moving to London. And for those of you who don’t know where I am, I’m in AUSTRALIA. He was literally moving to the other side of the world. He completely cut me out of his life, and it was only through a mutual friend that I learned he ended up moving back here a few months ago. I have not tried to contact him at all.
I spent the end of last year, and a good chunk of the start of this one, hating the world and in a weird way hating God as I just couldn’t handle the fact that why after all this waiting did I have to lose him again, and in such a way. I’ve spent the past year being such a man-hater it’s not even funny. I would rarely give one the time of day. To be honest, I was totally rude.
Now here I am, the year is ending and it would seem I’m just not as affected by it anywhere near as much as I thought I was anymore. I am trying to move on myself, giving someone a chance for the first time in so long, and while I have no idea where that will go, it is nice for me to realise I can move on now too.
Every time someone shares a testimony at church my mind starts spinning with mine. Should I write one? Should I read mine out? I know they’re great by letting people know how you came to know Christ, but I get so worried. I think I’ve done worse since becoming a Christian. Plus, my testimony is such a typical crazy teenager story of self harm, wild parties, and alcohol. So cliche.
At the end of the day, I just love God and Jesus, and that’s about all there is to it. I pray to myself, but will never pray out loud, and prefer to quietly sit and listen to what others have to say at church. I have nothing against people being homosexual, and I refuse to shove my beliefs down anyone’s throat. I’m just trying to figure my own life out at the moment. And God is helping me on my way. I’m sure I’ll keep him around for good. :)
ABOUTAustralian RAW Performer of the Year 2012. Miss Burlesque Australia QLD Gold Coast Finalist. Co-producer of Vanguard Burlesque. Brisbane based burlesque performer and model.